The Rain of Tears
by DreamingwhileLucid
Summary: Just when everything should have perfect in his life, it all fell to pieces. But will anyone try to put them back together?
1. Rain

The rain.

What was it about the rain that he had always loved so much? It could have been that silky feeling of it when it poured down on his bare skin. Or it could have been the smell it gave off as it hit the earth. Maybe it was the cold, that sent shivers through his body.

But it was probably that numbing sensation that took away the pain. It took away the pain of the world, and let him numb and emotionless. That was why he felt no pain when it was raining the day of the funeral.

His eyes wondered over the dark wood over the coffins. There were three lined up. Was it terrible that he recognized each of their faces? Was it terrible that he knew each of these souls? No it wasn't. But it was terrible that they were now dead and lying inside those coffins, for him to look at.

He brought his thin fingers to the top of the first coffin. His dark eyes searched the face of the man in the coffin, looking for answer. He needed an answer to why this had happened. The sad thing was…there was no answer to give.

A soft sigh escaped his lips and he moved on. His eyes went through the same sequence with the other two men, both of which were younger than the last. There was no answer. There was only life...and death.

A swift bolt of lightning flashed overhead, followed quickly by a clash of thunder. Small screams rose up and the sound of rushing feet increased. But he didn't move.

He stayed glued to the coffin of the first man. There was a blank stare on his face. It seemed to match the one of the man's face in the coffin. But even that face had a peaceful look.

All of a sudden the rain stopped. He knew this wasn't logically possible, as he could still hear the harsh drops smack against the hard earth. A hand on his shoulder alerted him to a new presence. He didn't turn to look, but made the assumption that they were holding an umbrella over him. But he wanted the rain.

"I'm sorry…" a male voice was quiet beside him. Was he sorry for their deaths? Or was he sorry for being late? Or was he not sorry at all? Maybe those words were simply the best thing to say in a time like this.

"Don't," was all the other said. He slowly took hold of the lid of the coffin and closed it. Moving from the sanctuary of the umbrella, he did the same with the two other coffins. There was still that blankness set upon his face. There was no sadness, no love, no anything.

When the last lid was shut with a small thud, his feet carried him back to the other man. The man stood before him with tears in his eyes, on the edge of spilling down his cheeks. His blonde hair was plastered to his face from the rain. He hadn't moved the umbrella to cover himself from the rain.

"Go home Tamaki," the cold seeped through his voice as he spoke his words slowly to the blonde man. He wanted him to go home, to not have to face what he was currently going through.

"But-" the blonde tried to protest but his other cut him off.

"I said go home," his eyes shows only a hint of emotion. But it wasn't sadness or hate or even anger. It was fright. "Just go."

The blonde wanted to protest more but he could see that he would not step down. His chances of winning were almost none. So he simply nodded his head and turned with bowed head. He wanted to be there for him, but to help him the best thing to do was to listen to him and go home.

Another sigh. He allowed himself the privilege of gazing over the coffins one last time before turning himself and following the muddy footprints of the blonde. As he walked all emotion left him.

He let himself believe that everything would change. He let himself believe that he was different, and had to be different. And he let himself believe that the wetness upon his cheeks was only the rain.

-----

**A/N: **Well, hello everyone. This is my first OHSHC story. This chapter is more or less a prologue. I hadn't intended it to be and the story will most likely start off day after this event. Just wanted to clear that up.

I didn't include the name of the main character in this story. But if you know OHSHC, you'll know whom this first part was referring to. He will remain the main character, although there will be other perspectives of characters in the story. I won't tell you now if you don't know but if you continue to read you'll figure it out quiet easily.

If you made it this far, I thank you for reading this story. I needed a project and chose to start writing this. I like it so far, but it's all in the eyes of the reader. So I want to know: Should I continue this story or not? I probably will because I like it, but I'd like to know if anyone is even reading it.


	2. Bleed

**A/N: Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran High School Host Club.

Well, I'm back! I had a little trouble with my Internet, and we were celebrating Christmas, and a million other things were happening. But I'm back now!

This story is going to be great to write, but it'll be a real challenge. We usually see the characters as happy and just living their lives. It's my job to shake things up and throw tragedy into the mix. So I bid you…have a good read!

Warning: Mild language

------

"Give it back!" Haruhi's angry yells filled the Third Music Room. Her eyes were locked upon her notebook, currently in the grasp of Hikaru. Kaoru was seated upon the floor, falling over himself in laughter. Hikaru balanced carefully on a chair while holding Haruhi's notebook just out of reach of her outstretched fingers.

"Come on!" she shrieked as he leaped off the chair. Her fingers grappled for his ankle, but there was no use. Hikaru sauntered over to the opposite side of the room and peaked in the journal. The smile fell from his face.

"What is it?" Kaoru asked, noticing his twin's change of mood. He pushed himself from the floor and crossed over to his brother. Haruhi still hadn't moved from her spot on other side of the room.

Hikaru frowned and handed the journal over to his younger brother. Kaoru placed a finger on his temple and scanned the page. After a few moments he threw it towards Haruhi. She dived for it, ending up on the floor with the journal on her back.

"Math equations!" the twins spoke simultaneously. They each gave a shrug and returned to finishing off a piece of cake one of their customers from the day before had made for them.

"What did you think it was?" Haruhi persisted, finally getting up from the floor.

"Diary," was all they stated before turning back to their empty plates.

Haruhi huffed and mumbled under her breath, "Like I would keep that in sight of you little devils." These were her friends, but sometimes they pushed her to her limit. Haruhi returned the journal to her bag. A thought sparked in her mind. "Where are Tamaki and Kyouya?" The first's useless chatter and the second's typing had been quiet since she had arrived.

"Held late for graduation discussion," Hikaru stated, accepting a strawberry from Kaoru. Haruhi cocked her head and turned towards the door.

It was hard to believe that it had been over a year and a half since she had met the boys of the Ouran Host Club. Hunny and Mori had graduated, although they still came back…just for the host Club. Tamaki and Kyouya would graduate in about three months. And next year it would be her turn, and also the twins' turn. Time passed quickly and sometimes she wished it would stop…and other times, she didn't.

The doors to the Host Club flew open, bringing Haruhi out of her thoughts. Tamaki was bickering something at Kyouya as they crossed through the door. Kyouya held that mandatory blank stare. For a change Tamaki's face held concern and anger.

"Fine!" Tamaki finally blustered at his friend before marching off towards Haruhi. His eyes played over her as she sat atop the couch. Tamaki instantly broke into excited squeals. Haruhi frowned and bit her lip. What had just happened?

She leaned over until she could Kyouya. He had his laptop on the table in front of him. His fingers were poised over the keys, although they made no move to press the black buttons. Haruhi could see his dark eyes focused on a point just over the top of the screen. What was going on?

"You look so adorable in that dress!" Tamaki crooned, pulling her out of her reverie.

"Hmm? Oh!…oh," her tone fell when she realized what he was referring to. By courtesy of the Host Club, Haruhi had received a female uniform. Her male uniform had been in the wash and she had been forced to wear the dauntingly yellow dress. Of course Tamaki would be glad about it.

"Enough chat!" a strong voice broke from the other side of the room. Haruhi leaned around Tamaki to find Kyouya talking to them, or rather his computer screen. He still had not begun to type. "It's time to open!"

Haruhi nodded her head and moved Tamaki out of the way. She stood and moved towards the door, throwing a worried glance over her shoulder. Maybe no one else had picked it out. But she knew what she had heard in Kyouya's words. Pain.

------

"The freshman love the club," Hikaru sighed, collapsing on the floor. Kaoru joined him and both continued to talk about the new faces they had 'taken in' at the club that year.

Haruhi, worn out, took her place more daintily on one of the couches. She curled up and let her headrest against the armrest. Her eyes stayed open and alert. It was too dangerous to fall asleep here; otherwise one of the boys might try to molest her…again.

Her gaze wandered over to Kyouya. He was strangely quiet and had refused to host anyone today. Haruhi had taken most of his customers. She was still a very common host to nominate, even though everyone knew she was a girl. All day it had been either gossip or worries from the girls who Kyouya refused. If he would just open himself up, he might be popular with the ladies.

As of now he was still occupied with that spot right over the top of his computer. Tamaki wondered over to talk to him. Haruhi strained her ears to listen but she could catch nothing.

Finally, Tamaki sighed and apparently admitted defeat, as he stood up and walked towards the twins to grab his bag. "Night Host Club! I have family matters to settle! I expect you all to be here tomorrow afternoon. I already know you will, though."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow as he walked out. What was with the speech? A child's voice made her look down.

"Haru-chan!" Hunny cried. He hadn't grown an inch. Haruhi couldn't help but smile at the innocence he still possessed, even though he was still older than all of them. "We're leaving! See ya tomorrow!" Mori grunted in response. Haruhi forced a smile and nodded.

She watched them walk out; Hunny riding on Mori's shoulder. Haruhi nestled back into the soft fabric of the couch. That day had worn her out. Sleep was pleading for her to give in. Just as she almost fell into the black depths a voice reached her ear; or rather two voices.

"We're on our way out!" the twins yawned, "Wanna come home with us? We can have a slumber party!"

Haruhi's eyes twitched and she shook her head at them. They shrugged at each other and walked out the door, each of their arms around the other. Haruhi sat there for a moment, contemplating whether she should get up or not. She groaned and quickly got up, her decision decided. She wandered around the room for a moment, collecting this and that.

After five minutes or so she decided that she had everything and made her way to the door. She pulled out the key, prepared to lock it, when a voice broke through the dark,

"I'll lock up." Haruhi knew whose voice that was. She was speechless for a moment. There was such sadness in that voice. This most certainly wasn't the Kyouya she knew. She removed her hand from the door handle and made her way over to the glowing screen. He was in the same position.

"Kyouya-sempai?" Haruhi approached him cautiously. She didn't want to invoke his wrath.

"What is it Haruhi?" he wanted the effect of dull and bored, but Haruhi knew to take it as defensiveness.

"Why did I take all your customers today? I'm almost certain you haven't done a single bit of work on the laptop today." She kept her tone firm, but gentle, as if to reach a hand out to him.

"Do you have a problem with that?"

Haruhi narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. "Yes…I do."

That got his attention. Kyouya turned to look at her. Haruhi's breath caught in her throat as she looked into his eyes. They were so cold…so blank. Haruhi looked away, scared of the darkness.

"It is not any of your business what I do or don't do. It is your job to be a host for the ladies that come to the Host Club. It is your job to-"

"Oh how many times have you rehearsed this? Your father probably wrote it up for you!" Haruhi was startled by her rudeness, but she wanted the truth.

Haruhi saw an angry glint in his eyes before two things happened. The first was that Kyouya had shoved her to the floor. And the second was that he was not positioned over her, his eyes reflecting rage.

Haruhi kept a blank face. This seemed so familiar. Maybe that's because it was. It was a year or so ago when they went to the beach. They had ended up in the same position; he had told her that she could pay off her debt with her body. Haruhi had stated that there were no merits in sleeping with her and he had instantly backed off. She had a feeling that this wasn't the case here. Nor was it the same reason for why she was on the floor.

"Don't talk about my father! Only I can talk about that son of a bitch!" He snarled, his glasses reflecting the light of the computer.

Haruhi's mouth hung open slightly. There was such a passion in his voice. But how could he speak some crude words about his own father? "What did he do?"

"He put me last. I wasn't important enough for him. I always had to do better! I always had to be perfect! And more! And if I wasn't then…then I didn't exist! What kind of father is that?"

"You love your father don't you?" Haruhi knew she was close to discovering the reason behind everything he had done today, or everything he hadn't done today.

Kyouya frowned at her for a second, that fierce determinedness never going out of his eyes. Finally, he sighed and pushed himself off of her. He stood up slowly, pushed his glasses up, and took a seat in front of the computer once more. "Of course I do. But it was him who left me. And he decided to take my brothers with him. Bastard."

"You mean he disowned you?" Haruhi asked, sitting up.

"No," he snapped. His voice got quieter, "No…he killed them all, driving home drunk. My brothers and my father had gone out for the anniversary of my mother's death. No designated driver. And he went and sent the car into a river, they all drowned."

Haruhi's eyes grew wide. Why hadn't he just told them?

"I know what you're thinking. You're asking yourself why I didn't just tell you, right?" Haruhi dumbly nodded her head. "Father always said deal with your own worries and fears. To share them would make me weak."

"That's not true," Haruhi picked her bag up off the ground and walked towards the door. She stopped just inside of the room. "A true man doesn't run from his fears and worries, but in the facing them, admits that he's afraid. But you don't have to listen to me. It's only my job to be a host for the ladies that come to Host Club. Just saying."

Haruhi sighed and pulled the door closed. She had no clue that on the other side the dark-haired male was clenching his fists until they hurt; until they were white; until they bled.

-------

**A/N: **I didn't expect the chapter to turn out like this. I'm not sure if I even like it. But whatever, maybe one of you will like it.

I think I might already be losing the will to write this. I might just turn it into a one-shot or two-shot instead. I'll think on it.


	3. Hurt

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran High School Host Club…except in my wildest dreams.

-----

"Cutting might help," Kyouya ran the tip of his finger along the edge of the knife he held. A single drop of blood fell and landed on the dark marble of the counters. He sighed and brought the knife back down. It cleanly sliced the end of the carrot off.

He continued with his actions until the carrot was completely sliced. It wasn't like him to cook, but at the moment it was something to help him get his mind off the matter at hand.

His hand flew towards a potatoe. It faced the same fate as the carrot before all the cut vegetables on the cutting board ended up in the large pot next to him. Just as he scraped the last celery slice off the board, his phone burst into life. His brain racked though ringtones trying to distinguish whose ringtone that was.

His palm came in direct contact with his forehead as he realized that it was Tamaki's. Of course. Who else would it be?

He set the knife down and reached for the phone. The sight of blood made him slow. The small prick had split open and was now spilling blood down his finger and onto his palm. His eyes grew squinty as he picked up his phone.

"Kyouya," his bored tone echoed over to the other line. He switched hands with the phone and made his way to the bathroom, wondering if anyone was ever going to answer him.

"Kyouya?" a small voice spoke from the other line. A sigh of annoyance escaped his lips. Hadn't he just said Kyouya? Wait…that wasn't Tamaki's voice. He stopped in the door of the bathroom.

"Yes? This is he," he stretched down and began to search for the first aid kit. Usually he would just get one of his servants to patch it up, but lately he had come dependant on only one person: himself.

"Kyouya!" the voice screamed. Kyouya pulled the phone away from his ear and let his head droop. They didn't have to yell! He had a headache already, no use to make it worse. "I've been trying to reach but the home phone isn't connected! Why haven't you picked up? Why did you not answer your cell the first few million times I've called?"

"Hmm?" Kyouya took this moment to view his call history. This person was telling the truth. He had 14 missed calls. He scrolled through the list, listening to the voice chatter on some more. 6 were from Tamaki, 2 from the twins, and the others were from an unknown number.

He racked his brain trying to guess who this caller might be. After a few moments it realized the room was silent again. He drew the phone up to his mouth. "Hello. Who is this?"

The voice on the other line drew in a deep breath. Kyouya took this moment of hesitance to pull the first aid kit from under the sink. It landed with a muffled sound on his foot. He bit down on his tongue, hard.

"It's me silly," the voice was soft again, and calmer. He was would have been soothed by the voice had he not felt the pain shooting through his foot. "Your sister?"

Kyouya's hand froze, right over the top of the kit in front of him. His dark eyes grew wide and he hurried to reply to his sister,

"Fuyumi?" he was shocked by his own tone. There seemed to be something like desperation in his tone. He could handle this. Remember…

"Oh Kyouya! I'm so happy I finally reached you!" Now that he was really listening to her he thought it sounded like she was…crying, or had been crying. "I-I…how are you doing?"

"Fine," Kyouya stuck to his monotone voice. He wasn't weak, he didn't show emotion. There were no merits.

"Are you sure? After…after an event like that, it's sometimes hard to-"

"I'm fine," he snapped back at her. She didn't need to be worrying about him. He knew she had problems of her own.

"Ok then," she seemed slightly offended by his answer. "I just wanted to call to…tell you that I still can't come home. They're having troubles with my passport. But I promise to get home as soon as possible, though."

"Of course," Kyouya knew he was disappointed inside. But there was no room for that here. "Good luck with your passport. Goodbye."

"Oh…bye then. And Kyouya?" he lifted the phone back up to his ear, "I love you little brother. You're still here and I'm so glad for that. I'll talk to you later then. Bye."

The click came from the other end by Kyouya didn't acknowlledge it. He simply held the phone to his ear, staring at the opposite wall. Why did she have to make this so difficult for him? Why did she even think she has the right to tell me I'm still here.

"Do you think I don't know that!" he yelled into the phone. "And I hate myself for it everyday! I could have stopped them! I could have!" His fist connected with marble floor. He let out a small noise of disgust. The sight of blood brought him back to his senses.

Kyouya snapped the phone shut and pulled open the first aid kit. It took about ten minutes to get the medicine on his finger and wrap it. His mind kept wandering. When he finally did get it done one thing was running through his mind:

I did to get her ringtone chnaged, so it doesn't match Tamaki's.

It was terrible to be thinking such thoughts and pushing other more important issues to the back of his mind. But it was all he could focus clearly on. He was already racking his brain for what else he could set for her ringtone.

As he walked out of the bathroom a burning smell filled the hallway.

"Shit!" he cried, racing for the kitchen to save his soup.

------

Kyouya fumbled in his pocket for a moment. A few moments later he withdrew a small white stick. He settled it between his lips and raised a lighter to it. He drew in a breath and placed the stick between his fingers. After pulling it out he let the white smoke flow from his mouth. He pressed his back against the brick wall and let his eyes close.

It was the day after he had received the phone call from his sister. Kyouya knew he shouldn't be smoking, but right now he was so stressed. He made his mind believe this was good for him. He lifted up his hands and let a single finger rub at his temples. He could feel a migraine coming on.

"Kyouya," a voice erupted to his right. His eyes slowly opened and he turned his head to find Tamaki looking hard at him. It was more of a glare. "You smoke?"

The dark haired boy merely raised an eyebrow and let his head dip for a moment, before bring it back up to face the heated stare of the blonde. As of now Tamaki was marching towards him. He grasped the end of the cigarette and threw it to the ground. Kyouya bit down on his tongue to stop himself from saying something not so flattering to the other boy.

"Those things will damage your lungs. There's no merit in that. What are you doing out here anyway?" So, he had decided to take a leaf out of Haruhi's book. Well, two could play at that game.

"I was smoking before you came out here," he replied, ready to reach into his pocket for another cigarette. A voice behind Tamaki stopped him.

"Kyou-chan?" Hunny stared up at Kyouya with those large, honey colored eyes. Mori stood behind him, glaring. He felt a lump rise in his throat. "What are you doing?"

His hand paused on the cigarette he had been ready to pull out. Kyouya bit down on his bottom lip and pulled his hand away, with no cigarette.

He scowled at the fact that such childhood methods could make him give in so easily. Hunny was a year older than him. He only looked like a child, and acted like a child. But…there was an innocence about Hunny and he'd hate to take that away from him.

"Nothing," he saw a wide smile spread across Tamaki's face. His crossed arms fell from his chest. "Come on, it's windy out here." Without another word he made his way through the trimmed grass of the courtyard and into the school doors.

Club activities were over for the day so all he had to do was grab his stuff. There was a perfect chance for him to smoke at home. No one was there to tell him not to.

He caught Haruhi and one of the twins at the door. Haruhi stared hard at him while the twin simply nodded in his direction and directed Haruhi down the hall, with a hand on her back.

Kyouya raised an eyebrow and shook his head. He pushed opened the door to the Third Music Room and set himself on a course towards his bag. A small sigh from the opposite side of the room stopped him. He turned to find the other twin staring out the window.

He squinted his eyes and pushed his glasses up. Before he knew it he was standing by the other twin's side. Over his shoulder he could see twin who had just left with Haruhi, chasing her to a limo parked out front.

"Hikaru…" the twin watching from afar whispered. He pressed his hand to the glass and stared down as the limo took off. His hand clenched into a fist and he removed it from the window, his head drooping slightly.

By now Kyouya had determined that this was Kaoru. He laid a hand on the boy's shoulder.

Kaoru jumped, startled by the sudden presence in the room. His head turned sharply to look up at Kyouya.

"Are you ok Kaoru?" Kyouya asked. Kaoru continued to stare at him. He threw one last desperate glance out the window but the limo was already gone.

"How can I feel like I'm losing him?" Kaoru whispered, looking at the ground outside of the window. "I know that tonight he'll crawl into my bed and we'll talk all about his date with Haruhi. We'll get off topic and then laugh about it until we cry. And then he'll kiss the tears away and we'll fall asleep…together. But…" He was silent for a moment, as if deciding what to say next.

"The next day everything will be the same. He'll chase Haruhi around and ask her on another date. And before I know it Hikaru will be gone. What happened?"

"Life happened," Kyouya replied, his tone lacking his usual coldness.

Kaoru looked back up at him. He glared long and hard at the older boy as if daring him to say something more. "Life is horrible."

"Of course it is!" Kyouya snapped, "Life does what it wants, when it wants. And you can't stop it!" He had gripped Kaoru by his shoulders and was practically shaking him. Or maybe it was just his whole body that was shaking.

"Why can't I stop it? It's my life!" Kaoru hissed the words at him, slapping his hands away from his shoulders.

"Because you can't! You're brother is going to leave and you're not going to be able to stop it!" Kyouya surprised himself with such harsh words.

Kaoru jumped up and shoved Kyouya back. "How dare you say that! You don't know anything! You've never lost a brother!"

A loud smack rang throughout the room. Kaoru was crouched down on the floor, clutching his cheek. Kyouya stood over him, his shoulders rising and falling. His hand had collided with Kaoru's cheek before he had even known what was happening. His eyes burned with a fiery hatred.

"Listen well Kaoru! You have no right to tell me what I've lost, and what I haven't. I've lost more than you ever have!" Kaoru looked up at him from the ground. His cheek was already beginning to swell. "I lost my two brothers and father all in the time period of about two minutes." Kaoru's eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth attempting to speak, but Kyouya cut him off.

"And I haven't seen my sister in months and now she's stuck in America! Who knows when I'll see her! I've lost all my family! So before you go and tell me what I haven't lost, get your facts straight!"

Kyouya was breathing hard. His hands were clenched in two fists in his pockets, attempting not to punch something. Kaoru was still staring up at him with wide eyes. He forced his eyes closed and stared hard at the ground. A single tear fell from his eyes and onto the floor. Kaoru stared at it.

Kyouya spun on his heel and picked up his bag. He was at the door in moments. A call rang out from behind him.

"Wait!" he turned and found Kaoru staring at him. He had gotten up off the ground and was holding a hand towards Kyouya. "I-I didn't know…"

Kyouya's face was blank once more. "I guess you know now. So, I guess you'll go and tell everyone about my dead brothers and father."

"No! I would never…I'm so sorry Kyouya…about your loss," Kaoru added.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered, turning back around. He let another single tear slide down his cheek. He raised an arm to his eyes and wiped it away. Kyouya threw a casual glance over his shoulder at Kaoru. He was still watching him. He had to be strong. His eyes glanced over the sadness in Kaoru's eyes. Maybe not just for himself.

-----

**A/N: **Well, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I apologize for the lateness. I was brought into an argument with two friends and it's been some dramatic stuff. I've even decided to write a book on it (with a few altered details). I think the plot will be good but my writing it will probably make it suck.

Well anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I apologize if maybe this story is going too fast. All my work seems to do that. I guess I'm just not good with the details. Well, I hope you still like the story. Enjoy reading the rest of it!


	4. Dark

**A/N: **Well, I'm back with the next chapter. Do you like my new name? Huh? Huh? Huh?

It is Japanese, meaning, 'because of your voice' in English. I read the line in a story on the site and fell in love with it.

Well, that's the Japanese lesson of the day. I'll just get on with the story now.

-----

'Why was it so quiet?' Kyouya wondered. He opened his eyes and found himself in a dimly lit room. His eyes wondered around the room. It was a white room, although over time it had developed a yellow color. There were chairs on the floor, against three complete walls. He was seated in one of those chairs. The room merged into another on the fourth wall. At that point was a large crème desk. He felt himself begin to walk towards it.

"Excuse me?" he whispered to the air, upon reaching the desk. His eyes caught sight of a silver bell. He brought his hand down sharply. A loud sort of clanging sound echoed around the empty halls and room. He waited for someone to come running to serve him, but there was no one.

All of a sudden a loud wailing filled his ears. Kyouya threw his hands up, attempting to block out the harsh noise. Then there were men yelling, wheels screaming, and women crying. A group of people trailing behind a bed, flung themselves around the corner. Kyouya pushed himself against the counter, hoping not to be run over.

It was at that moment that he recognized quite a few of the faces trailing the hallway. In the front was a blonde boy. Tamaki! Why was he in a gloomy place like this? And next to him was Haruhi.

Kyouya wondered when they would see him. But…they didn't. The entire group ran right past him, without a single wandering eye turning to look at him. He sat there for a moment, his mouth agape. Then, without changing his expression, took off after them. After a few moments he found the crowd located in a small hallway, standing outside of a lit doorway.

Now that the group was separated he could see more familiar faces. There were the twins. They seemed to be chatting happily about something. Haruhi came over and joined their group. And there were Hunny and Mori. Mori had his same blank state but there was no smile on Hunny's face. Actually his expression seemed to match the one on Mori's face.

Kyouya turned back towards the twins and Haruhi. And now they held the same blank looks. It scared him slightly. Where was Tamaki? He needed to see Tamaki's smile. He hurried towards the lit room. He had to be in that room.

He was right. As soon as Kyouya had entered the room he found Tamaki. And himself. He stopped, frozen. There was Tamaki; he was seated next to the bed they had been rolling down the hall. He finally realized it was a hospital bed. And he was the one in it.

Everything else seemed to happen in a flash. The heart monitor gave out, the crowd from outside rushed in, and the doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir. Kyouya is dead."

Kyouya watched as Tamaki stared down upon his body; the one in the bed. Tears welled in his eyes as he looked upon the hunched over figure of Tamaki. "Tamaki! Don't believe him!" He placed a hand firmly on the blonde boy's shoulder and shook his shaking form. "Tamaki! I'm right here!"

Tamaki turned around to stare at Kyouya. Kyouya emitted a sharp gasp and removed his hand from Tamaki's shoulder, taking a step back. His eyes…they were so cold and emotionless.

"Tamaki! What's wrong?" Kyouya was desperate for an answer now. Every member of the room had now set their sights upon him. He looked at each one, furiously moving his head. "Tamaki! Tamaki!"

------

"Tamaki!" Kyouya screamed, sitting up quickly in bed. His breath was coming out in short gasps. It hurt his throat. Kyouya grappled for his glasses on the wooden nightstand next to his bed. His hands shook as he attempted to put them on. For some reason he just couldn't get them straight. A loud-or so it seemed-cracking sound reached his ears.

"Damn," he whispered, tossing the broken pair of glasses across the floor. His door burst open moments after he had done this. A dark head of hair poked its way in through the door. A pale face followed; and then a small voice.

"Master Kyouya," spoke the voice. "Are you ok?" Kyouya recognized this voice. It belonged to the oldest butler of the house. Not the eldest, but the man who had worked at the house since Kyouya was a baby. That practically made him the eldest, though.

"I'm fine," Kyouya stated sharply, swinging his legs off the bed. He buried his heads in his hands and continued talking, "What time is it?"

There was a pause before, "4 a.m., sir."

Kyouya groaned once and tossed his head back. "Please…go back to sleep. When morning comes please make an appointment with the eye doctor. I'll need an appointment for a new pair of glasses. Thank you. Goodnight!"

The butler seemed to linger at his door. At last he nodded and let himself out, closing the door behind him.

Kyouya let out the breath he hadn't known he had been holding. He carefully let his head rest on the wall, thinking hard.

What was that dream trying to tell him? Had it been a sign of something? Why were there faces so blank?

Kyouya let the dark waves of sleep wash over him. Although, one thought was still on his mind:

Would anyone cry if I did die?

-----

That question haunted his mind for the rest of the day. That dream plagued his thoughts. And his teachers and classmates could tell.

"Mr. Ohtori!" the sharp rasp on his desk brought Kyouya back to attention. His teacher towered over him, his eyes squinted and his brow furrowed. "Glad you decided to join us, sir. Please answer the question."

Kyouya's eyes darted around the room for a moment. All eyes were on him. He looked towards the board. Luckily the problem was up, and luckily he had done all the work the week before. He racked his brain for a second before casually stating the answer.

The teacher raised an eyebrow and moved towards the board. "That's correct. Now…" Kyouya let his mind wander again. Recently it was hard to keep focused on anything. A small piece of paper on his desk caught his attention.

When he picked it up he recognized the initials on the bottom as Tamaki's. His fingers unfolded the piece of stationary. There was Tamaki's familiar script. He assumed that at that moment Tamaki was watching him read the note, but he wouldn't know.

Kyouya had avoided Tamaki all day. It had gotten harder now that he was in class but he had kept Tamaki out of sights so far. He was so afraid that he was going to have that blank look on his face, like in his dream. He didn't want to see it again, never again.

The note lay open on his desk. He usually didn't read notes, but it wasn't as if he was actually paying attention anyway. His slender fingers ran over the note, trying to make the creases nonexistent. It didn't help.

His eyes scanned the few lines of the note. It said:

_Seemed a little occupied today. Anything wrong? Mother should never keep anything from Father!_

Tamaki had signed it, going overboard on the curliness of his curls. Kyouya carefully folded up the note and slid it inside a pocket on his briefcase. To answer Tamaki's question he just flicked his hand in the other boy's direction.

There were no more notes the rest of the class period. Kyouya was sure that more questions would come later. Now all there was to do was wait.

-----

"Kyouya!" The dark haired boy turned to find Tamaki skipping down the hall towards him. Classes were out for the day and they were both making their way towards the Host Club room.

He started when he saw the other boy. This was the first time he had actually taken in the sight of the blonde. But there was no blank look on his face. There was the exact opposite, a bright smile.

Tamaki skipped up to him and threaded his arm through Kyouya's and continued towards the music room. Kyouya simply sped up his pace to match the other boy's hops. They were silent until they stepped through the doors. As soon as they had stepped in the entire of the Host Club was upon them.

"Did you hear?" the twins shouted in unison. They both threw their hands up and stared hard at the two boys. One leaned towards the other and whispered something in his twin's ear. The former sniggered and put down his arms, turning away slightly. The other wandered towards Haruhi. Kyouya guess that this one was Hikaru.

"Yes did you?" Hunny yelled excitedly. Mori simply nodded his head at them.

"What? Did I win handsomest man of the year? Oh, they love me!" Tamaki went into his usual bout of drama. Kyouya simply wandered past the group and instantly began typing on his laptop. He drowned out the voices of the other members. Whatever was going on, he would surely find out about it later.

After some time his fingers stopped their rapid movement, actually they stopped moving all together. His mind began to wander once more, although for a different reason this time. It was the first time he had thought about.

What were his father's last thoughts?

Had he been thinking about the business, or his next partner? Or had he been thinking about Kyouya? How he might never see his youngest son again? Kyouya scoffed at such thoughts. Why would he be on his father's mind? Wouldn't it have been his other brothers actually in the car with him?

Kyouya jumped forward as a hand landed on his shoulder. His head came in contact with the laptop screen and his knee with the underside of the table. He curled his hand into a fist and snuck it under the table before turning around.

One of the twins was standing behind him. This one has a fist drawn to his chest and wide eyes, as if Kyouya's reaction had scared him.

"Ummm, Kyouya?" Definitely Kaoru by the sound of the voice. "Tamaki wanted me to come over and see what's wrong. He's a little tied up at the moment."

The twin stuck out his thumb and motioned to something over his shoulder. Kyouya tilted his head to find Tamaki surrounded by no less than eight girls. He was currently engaged in a heated conversation with one of them, a short brunette.

Kyouya simply shrugged at the sight and looked up towards the Kaoru. He was waiting for answer, but what answer to give? He wasn't planning on telling anyone about that dream, so what should he tell him?

"I'm fine," he finally replied, snapping his laptop shut. "Please tell Tamaki I'm going home. Shouldn't you be hosting?"

Kaoru looked about to object to his request when Kyouya shot the question at him. He looked at his feet and kicked at a scuff on the floor. "Hikaru and Haruhi are doing just fine." He repeated his gesture with his thumb, except for gesturing in the opposite direction.

And there were Hikaru and Haruhi, snuggled up on the couch and entertaining three girls in yellow dresses. He raised an eyebrow. They seemed to be a couple, maybe that had been the announcement earlier.

"Of course. Please pass that message onto Tamaki," Kyouya nodded his head once and picked his stuff up off the ground. "See you tomorrow." And with that he quickly made his way to the exit. He felt eyes on him as he walked. This only caused him to speed up his pace.

He gave a sigh of relief when he was finally out the door. But he didn't slow. He made his way towards the nearest bathroom. As soon as he got in he turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face. Why was it so hot? He was burning up.

Kyouya pressed his back against the wall next to the sink. He slowly slid down it until he was seated on the floor. His throat burned and he couldn't keep his eyes open. What was wrong with him?

Kyouya let his head fall. Maybe he could risk a small nap. And with that Kyouya blacked out.

-----

**A/N: **Well……that seemed completely off the direction I wanted it to go. But I love the drama it added. So, I hope someone liked this chapter. Who knows where I'll take this. It might all end up being a dream. It all depends on my twisted little mind.

It might be a while until I get the next chapter out. Classes start in a few days and I'm trying to pack as many fun things as possible into my schedule before then.


	5. Hope

**A/N:** Crap! I've had this chapter written for ages, why didn't I post it? Errrr….

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran High School Host Club, if I did then a second season would be done or in the works.

I'm not actually sure if a second season is the best option. But they didn't have to leave us hanging! They could have just jumped a little bit into the future and told us the outcomes for love, marriage, and such.

-----

"He's stable. It wasn't fatal."

Kyouya heard the words but he had no clue had spoken them. He had attempted to open his eyes a few minutes ago and all he had achieved was a mind splitting headache. The voices continued.

"When will he able to go home?" A male voice.

"He should be fine as soon as he wakes up, but he needs to take better care of himself. By our charts his blood sugar is low, he's too thin for his height, and he seems to have lost noticeable amounts of blood in a small period of time. Although his fainting was probably caused by a mixture of shock and heat." Also a male voice.

"Well…he-he's been through quite a lot lately. I'll watch over him. I'd hate…hate to have anything happen to him." Kyouya remarked upon the tone of the speaker. He sounded truly sad. Why would that be?

And all of a sudden it all came rushing back to him. His began to throb at the impact of all his thoughts. He threw himself into a sitting position and held his head as his head gave a particular jolt of pain.

All he could see were blurs as two figures raced over. One slid his eyelid open and proceeded to shine a bright light straight into his eye. Kyouya couldn't help but let out a yell of pain. He forced his head away and shot his hand up, coming in contact with a piece of metal; the flashlight.

"Kyouya! Your awake!" he finally recognized this voice to belong to Tamaki. He didn't dare open his eyes to look at his blonde friend.

"Can I get some painkillers?" Kyouya moaned, putting his palm on his forehead and laying back once more. He heard some shuffling of steps and small, "Of course," and then all was quiet.

Kyouya ran over what the doctor-he assumed as the second man in the room-had said about his condition. What had he said first? Blood sugar is too low. Probably not eating the right foods.

And then, too thin for his height. Well, of course that was the matter. Just thinking of the sight of his family's bodies lying in that coffin made him purge his stomach of his contents. It truly wasn't his fault. It just made him ill to think about it, and how could he not think about it?

It might also relate to the fact that he didn't very often. Most of the time he kept busy to delay his thoughts or fell into deep thought. He just didn't have time to eat. That soup he had made? It all went to Haruhi's father as a gift. Luckily, he had saved it from burning.

Then the doctor had gone to say something about losing blood. That would be harder to explain. He not resorted to self-mutilation but he seemed to get hurt often. There was the incident with the knife, he had cut himself on the broken shards of his glasses, and when he usually purged so often he ended up coughing up blood. It wasn't serious so he had never mentioned it to anyone. He had to deal with his own problems.

But what had the doctor said that had caused this? Shock and heat. The shock part probably hit the mark exactly. The heat was a little mysterious. Maybe that's why he had been burning up the day he had collapsed.

The day he had collapsed! How long had he been here for? Kyouya forced his eyes open, a searing pain following. He kept them open and desperately searched for something that indicated the date.

Nothing.

Kyouya heard a noise behind him. He turned to find Tamaki, holding a small bottle and a glass of water. He had a bright smile drawn across his face. He held out the water and the pills.

Kyouya ignored them and demanded what day is was from Tamaki. How long had he been here?

"Oh…it's been two days since we found you. You've woken up quite a few times I expect, but you hadn't actually come out of the daze. Don't worry I have all your homework assignments and your lectures taped. See, father does plan ahead!"

Kyouya nodded his head in gratitude and reached for the pills. There were five in the bottle. He was sure he wasn't supposed to take them all but his mind wasn't completely registering things.

He tipped the bottle over and sent all five into his mouth. His hand brought the water up to his mouth and he had swallowed them before Tamaki could make a protest.

"Oh mother!"

-----

Kyouya was seated in the backseat of the Hitachiin limo. The twins had offered to drive everyone home. Since Hunny and Mori's homes were closest they would start there.

Kyouya was seated between Tamaki and Kaoru. Next to Kaoru was Hikaru and then Haruhi, followed by Mori and then Hunny. He felt a little cramped as Tamaki kept attempting to hug him and Kaoru kept scooting over to avoid his brother's flailing arms. He seemed to be telling a story to the other end of the car. He paid no attention.

Instead he turned towards Tamaki and asked the question on the tip of his tongue.

"How did I end up in the hospital? Who found me?" he kept his voice quiet so only Tamaki would hear. No such luck. The entire car turned their faces towards him. Kyouya simply ignored them and continued to look at Tamaki.

Tamaki looked rather embarrassed before replying, "Kaoru went to look for you after he had delivered your message to me. You left some of your notes behind and he wanted to return them to you. He heard the running faucet and made a good guess that you were there.

"And he stayed with you and called us from his phone. We told the ladies the predicament and they immediately left. One had dialed an ambulance before she left. And before you knew it we were at the hospital." Tamaki was quiet for a moment. "We-we thought you had done it."

Kyouya's brow furrowed. "Like attempted suicide I'm assuming?" He sounded so smooth saying it. Tamaki looked over at him with surprise.

"Well yes, but-"

"So, I'm assuming they know about my father and brothers'…conditions?"

"They overheard the doctor say it! I didn't know-"

"Of course," with these last words Kyouya made it clear he was done talking. He let his head fall back onto the cushioned seat. He heard Tamaki grumble once or twice but he made no attempt to protest.

-----

"Kyouya," he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. He raised a hand and batted it away, turning the other way. A small snigger caused him to snap his eyes open.

He was greeted with the sight of Hikaru and Kaoru standing over him. Hikaru seemed to be the one that had laughed and Kaoru looked about halfway there.

"You fell asleep again!" the twins said in union. They threw out their hands. "Tamaki told us not to wake you, but you have a visitor."

Kyouya watched as the twins parted to reveal…his sister!

"Kyouya!" she cried upon catching sight of him. She ran up to him and threw her arms around him, crying into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner! Oh, I missed you so much!"

Kyouya's moth hung open. His sister…was standing there and hugging him. He looked into her eyes as she pulled away. Her face was creased with hurt and worry. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here. Please…please forgive me." Kyouya didn't move, simply stared at her. She pulled completely away and stared at the ground. "I understand. I'll see you at home brother."

She turned to leave. Kyouya watched her take slow step after slow step away from him until…

"Fuyumi," it came out as a breathy whisper. But she turned around none the less, to find Kyouya's arm around her, his head resting on her shoulder. She smiled and set a hand on his shoulder. "I've missed you so much." His words pierced her soul. He hugged her tighter, simply realizing how much he needed his sister, how desperate he was to have someone love him again, and how good it felt when the hope came back.

------

**A/N: **Ok, ok, I know. It was short, boring, had a sucky ending, and so many other things. I had serious writer block.


	6. Blank

**A/N: **I apologize to everyone who has been awaiting the next chapter of this story. I also apologize for forgetting to post the last chapter after I'd had it written for about 2-3 months.

My life is getting completely hectic and challenging and I start at a new school in a few months, so yeah. I apologize for the delay once more and now…on with the story.

Disclaimer: Haven't we gone over this? No, I do not own Ouran Host Club; it's probably for the best as my creativity has all currently ditched me.

Caution: Language.

-----

"Here you go Kyouya! I know you're going to love it!" Fuyumi squealed, handing a heavily wrapped present to Kyouya. His eyes, hidden behind a new pair of sunglasses Fuyumi had given him, surveying the bright wrapping. It was a bright maroon dotted with bright green and gold stars. Just like Fuyumi he though, accepting the present. He slid his finger through the tape. He pulled the present's wrapper off and laid it at his feet. His eyebrow rose as he found what lay underneath. He picked it up and observed it carefully, trying to figure out what it was.

It had been a week since Fuyumi had walked into the Host Club and surprised Kyouya. He was overjoyed at the sight of his sister. She had brought a million presents for him and kept discovering new ones in her suitcases. He had done his best to make her somewhat happier than she was. He could tell that she was still upset over their father and siblings' deaths. Three days in she had broken the news of her divorce to him and how she would be forced to leave in a few days. Her flight would leave in about six hours and they were celebrating their last time together in what would be quite a few months. She promised to come back to Japan as soon as she finalized her divorce papers and completed her court trials.

Fuyumi laughed and reached her hand out for it, palm up. He shrugged it and laid it down, crossing his arms over his chest as he pulled back. Fuyumi flipped the unknown over and flipped a switch. A lagging earphone burst into life and a screeching song followed.

"Whoops, sorry," Fuyumi muttered pressing a keypad a few times. The music disappeared. "It's a music device. It's all the rage in America. Sort of like a mix between an iPod and a cell phone. I'm not sure what it's called though. It's not the same company with an iPod. Hmmm…" She picked up the box and examined it, attempting to locate the name of the gadget in the flurry of English writing.

"I love it," Fuyumi pulled her eyes away from the box to look at her little brother. A bright smile spread out across her face as she handed the present back to her brother. "Thank you."

"Oh, I'm so glad!" she shrieked, throwing her arms around him and squeezing until he was completely out of breath. Midway through the hug the doorbell rang. Kyouya wriggled out of her grip and made his way towards the door. He opened it to reveal a Tamaki in hysterics.

The blonde fell over the rug and threw his arms around his darker haired friend. Kyouya took a step back and tumbled to the floor taking Tamaki with him. He emitted a loud grunt as his head came in contact with the floor. The blonde quickly scrambled off of him, screaming something indefinable by Kyouya's standards.

"Tamaki! Good to see you again! Kyouya are you ok?" Fuyumi cried, removing herself from the floor and making her way towards the blonde who was currently attempting to pull his friend off the floor. Kyouya clutched his head feeling a headache coming on already. He slowly picked himself off the floor and set a hand on the shoulder of his frantic friend.

"What's wrong Tamaki?" Kyouya asked slapping a hand over the blonde's mouth until he stopped whimpering like an injured puppy. When he removed his hand Tamaki threw up both of his and stamped his foot.

"Mother! It's that daughter of ours! She went off and did something stupid! So stupid!" His face grew dark and he scowled at a nonexistent being to his left. Kyouya tugged at his collar, embarrassed for Tamaki to call him that idiot pet name. He casually looked at Fuyumi to see her reaction, but she only looked concerned. It was then that he registered what Tamaki had said. Haruhi did something stupid? It better be good, or rather bad enough, for Tamaki to be interrupting his last few hours with his sister.

"What about Haruhi? What did she do?" Kyouya asked in his impatient tone. He was trying to clue Tamaki in to the fact that he didn't exactly want him there. He wanted to spend time with his sister. But Tamaki was clueless. He threw his arms around his friend and cried into his shoulder. Rather, sobbed.

"She announced her engagement with that horrible demon of a boy! Father refuses to accept their relationship! No! Mother help Father!" Tamaki cried, attempting to strangle Kyouya by hugs. He struggled to free himself. Wait, engagement?

"Haruhi is engaged? You're being a little drastic Tamaki. Why don't you go home and take a small nap. You are overreacting." Tamaki stomped his foot.

"I am not! Ok, she's not engaged but she's dating that devil! We can't let her! We have to stop her!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Haruhi is dating that little devil Hikaru! But Father won't let her! I won't, I won't!" Tamaki was now jumping up and down, protesting against the new relationship. Kyouya made a mental note to enter the new information in his laptop before replying to Tamaki's shrieks.

"What's so wrong with her dating him?" In truth, this didn't come as a surprise to him. The two were always together. They were as close as Hikaru and Kaoru used to be. His thoughts trailed off. Lately, he had taken to having private conversations with Kaoru. He knew what it felt like to lose a brother and he owed him for practically saving his life that day awhile ago.

"Wrong? Everything is wrong! My precious daughter dating that beast! No! No! No!" Tamaki threw his hands up again and stamped his feet. The stomping was muffled by the thick blue carpet.

"She's happy Tamaki. Will you deny her that?" This shut the blonde up. He froze with his hands in the air above him and his foot curled behind him. The fire in his eyes evaporated and he let his arms and foot drop. He hung his head.

"You're right," he stuck out his bottom lip, "My precious daughter must be kept happy…thank you mother." Tamaki sighed and turned around to walk out.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about Tamaki?" Kyouya questioned feeling his anger start to slowly rise.

"Well, yes. I thought it was really impor-"Kyouya cut him off by slamming the door in his face. He would wait until Fuyumi wasn't here to strangle him. He spun around to face a laughing Fuyumi. He sighed, "Dinner before you go?"

-----

And she was gone. Kyouya slunk down onto the bathroom floor. He had just purged the contents of his stomach again. He hadn't done it on purpose, but Fuyumi had made a large meal for them and had forced him to eat most of it. It didn't feel good eating so much food when he had barely eaten anything in weeks.

He let his heated face rest again the chilling china of the lid of the toilet. His eyes drooped close from weariness but he didn't fall asleep. He simply let his thoughts toy with his mind, not making sense of what they were saying to him. He sat like this for some time, practically unconscious but still quite awake.

A voice above him made him snap his eyes open. "Master Kyouya are you ok?" He opened his eyes to find one of the younger maids staring down at him. Kyouya looked up at her, unsure who this was. She had dark brown ringlets framing her large green eyes. He flicked a hand at her, slowly removing his head from the chilled surface.

"Please go get me some aspirin and a glass of water. And call the driver. Tell him to pull the limo around." She scrunched up her nose for a second and nodded her head, walking away and pulling the door shut along the way. Kyouya groaned and attempted to push himself off the floor. His legs gave out from under him and he collapsed on the lid of the toilet. He held his head in his hands, waiting for the maid to return. And that she did about five minutes later, declaring that the driver was there and handing over the pills.

He carefully stood up, balancing on the balls of his feet. Step by step he made it to the car. Once seated in the car he choked down the pills, spilling about half the glass of water down his front. He made a mental note to ask for a _bottle_ water the next time. He settled down in his seat after giving the location to his driver. His mind buzzed with the crunching of the gravel under the tires, the slight hum of the stereo, and the breathing of his driver. He matched his to it. In. Out. In. Out. In a matter of minutes he had closed his eyes and was fast asleep, sitting straight up, his head resting against the leather seat.

-----

"Sir…master Kyouya!" Kyouya threw his head up, feeling instant pain shoot through his neck. It spread down his back as he squinted his eyes to see the face in front of him through the sunlight. His driver was peering down at him through worried eyes. Kyouya wanted to protest that he was fine or roll his eyes. He just nodded his head and stepped out of the car. His head beat madly as the bright light consumed him. He shut his eyes before leaning back into the car.

"Please be back here in three hours," was all he said before withdrawing from the car and making his way down the sidewalk. He checked over his shoulder to make sure that the driver wasn't following him. He was, but quickly turned onto a side street to save his job probably.

Kyouya dug his hands deep into his pockets and continued his stroll. His only stop was at a small cart run by a smiling old man. He sighed a few times along the walk, not really thinking, just walking. Eventually he arrived at a quiet garden…filled with headstones. He knew he'd have to face this eventually.

He stared at the ground. He had never been here but he knew exactly where he was going. In no time at all he arrived at three similar stones sticking out of the ground. He laid down the flowers that he had brought, one on each patch of grass. His eyes never strayed to the names, until now. He raised his eyes to stare at the name. Slowly he began to shake his head.

"Bastard. You get something and you always feel the need to take it away. Just hide it all in the dark, where only you can find it. But I need to know one thing," he paused here. His hands messed around in his pockets for a moment before he spoke firmly, "Was I not good enough of for you? Because I still can't understand why you left me here to deal with all this shit. I did everything right and more. Maybe it's the fact that you couldn't stand to have someone who was better than you. And don't deny it! You know I was! I did everything better than you could ever do anything! And that's why you left me and took everyone with you! You wanted to see if I could handle it!

"Well, don't worry! Because I'm still here and I'm going to make it through this, alone! I don't need anyone there for me! I will prove I'm better. You just wait!" His hands formed fists at his sides. He spun around to be faced with the stare of Kaoru. They locked eyes.

Without a word Kyouya stepped past him and continued on his way, patting Kaoru on the shoulder along the way. The lone twin turned and followed him. They said nothing. Their blank eyes said it all.

-----

**A/N: **Yes, here enters Kaoru. I always wished that Kyouya had a special friendship with someone from the Host Club that wasn't well known. I think of Kaoru as the forgotten twin and I think he needs someone to be there for him.

Woot! Today (March 14) is my birthday! Although, it totally sucks as I lost all my friends in about two minutes yesterday. I love you all too, not. Well, hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	7. Silence

A/N: I've been gone how long?

Yah, I'm sorry for not updating. I have been _really _busy with life and school. But I'm finally back after my little hiatus. For those of you who read A Picture Is Worth Everything I'll be working on getting the next chapter of that up as well.

Okay, on with the chapter

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it…and after this all time.

--

Kyouya didn't bother to turn around and discover if the young Hitachiin was following him. The slight slap of the rubber soles of his shoes as they hit the hard concrete was enough for him to know that he was right on his heels. He shoved his chilled hands into the pockets of his dress pants, pleading for warmth but only finding the wind stabbing at his hands through the thin material. A shiver ran from his neck, down his spine, and to the very toes of his feet. A scowl crossed his face as he realized that his driver was late. Right now though, he wouldn't have the energy to punish him.

All of a sudden Kyouya spun around to face the twin. Startled, Kaoru jumped back and tripped over his own undone laces, falling backwards and landing hard on the ground. He gave a grunt of displeasure and quickly scrambled up, attempting to dust himself off with his sore, scraped hands. Kyouya raised an eyebrow and waved his hand toward a nearby bench. Kaoru eyed Kyouya wearily and then took a seat with the older male following suit in his silent manner.

For some time, the two were quiet. Kyouya felt the cold spreading through him but showed no mannerisms towards this. Kaoru stared straight ahead, possibly admiring the tall buildings laid out before him. Kyouya could only guess what was going through his mind. He hadn't yet convinced himself that he wanted to find out. Time passed and the two remained quiet, occasionally throwing an awkward glance at the other person seated on the bench with them. Finally, Kaoru spoke.

"So…that's their graves?" His tone was shaky and unsure. Kyouya could tell he was trying to be polite when talking about the subject of his dead family.

"Yes. That is the Ootori family grave site. My mother, unfortunately, was not buried with them."

Kaoru looked up abruptly. Kyouya had never spoken of his mother. He had never known what to assume about her. Had he ever even thought of her?

Kyouya could see the curiosity in Kaoru's face. He knew that the twin was eager to hear more, but too polite to ask about his dead mother. Kyouya would simply fill in the blanks for him.

"I'm sure you don't remember my mother. You were very young when she died…but so was I," Kyouya crossed his ankles and uncrossed them in a deliberate manner, "She was beautiful. She looked just like Fuyumi does now. Her hair was the richest black and she always had it pulled up in a bun. Her eyes sparkled out from under her overgrown bangs. And she loved to laugh. God, did she love to laugh.

"Whenever I had done something wrong and my father was displeased she would be there to cheer me up with her wonderful laugh. But…but it wasn't to last, I suppose." Kyouya picked his gaze up just as his car turned the corner. "Our ride's here." He cleared his throat before setting both hands on his knees and pushing himself into a standing position. The car pulled up in front of the two boys and the driver quickly got out of the car and raced toward Kyouya.

"Excuse my tardiness! I-"Kyouya waved his hand for silence.

"Please call and inform the maids at home that a friend will be dining with me tonight. That is all." Kyouya spoke in as much of an authorative tone as he could muster. It seemed to work as the driver quickly snapped opened the door and beckoned to the boys to step in. Kyouya waved him away and waited for Kaoru to step in. He was still sitting on the bench. Kyouya raised an eyebrow at him and pointed a figure into the interior of the car. Kaoru sighed and stood up, slowly making his way to the open door. Once he was in Kyouya gracefully took the seat across from him. "Drive on."

Kaoru instantly fell into a standard slouch over the arm rest so he could gaze out the window as buildings and streets and people passed by in blurs of all colors. Kyouya stayed sitting straight up, his hands laid gently on his sides. All he wanted to do was fall onto his back and see nothing but the dark roof and drift off into a similar darkness until his dreams had consumed him completely. But it just didn't seem right.

"Please drop me off at my house," Kaoru's weak voice floated through Kyouya's ears. He looked up to find Kaoru turned around and quietly whispering instructions to the driver. The driver looked nervous. Lucky for Kyouya, he had very keen hearing.

"It would not be wise for me to disobey Master Kyouya. I have already made a grave mistake."

"Oh stop talking about it as if I'm not here. Drop him off at the Hitachiin residence on the way!" Kyouya barked his orders at the young man. He jumped at Kyouya's tone and hastily nodded before turning a sharp corner. Kaoru slunk down in his seat and strained his eyes to watch Kyouya's next action.

But he did nothing. He did not attempt to finish the story he had started earlier, nor did he attempt to throw a look of contempt at Kaoru because he had refused his offer. He simply stared with those blank eyes. But they weren't the same blank eyes the Host Club was accustomed to. No, these had no hint of a smirk or of a new way to make money. They were simply dead and dark.

Kaoru forced himself to look away, scared by the depths of darkness. He would hate to get lost in such a hopeless state. A few moments of silence passed and then a few more. Only a stray honk from a car cut through the dead quiet. Kyouya seemed to be looking at the front windshield but Kaoru could tell he was too lost in his thoughts to realize anything going on around him. And then he spoke.

"What's your mother like?" he whispered. Kaoru was so startled by this sudden voice that he had to do a double take to make sure that it was actually Kyouya who was speaking to him. He was silent. The question again. "What's your mother like?"

Kaoru wiped his eyes. "She's wonderful, though we don't see her often. She's always on business and debuting her newest fashion line somewhere. But she always remembers to bring me something back. Hi-hikaru always receives something chocolate, while I…she always brings me home something mint, my favorite." He dug his toe into the rough material of the floor. Kyouya had been nodding this entire time. That must have been what he had been looking for.

"We've arrived Master Hitachiin," the driver spoke up, sounding slightly anxious as if he was afraid Kyouya would be angry with him if they didn't start moving soon. Kaoru climbed out of the car and stood on the sidewalk leading up to his house. He looked through the open door to Kyouya's expressionless face and imagined the same one on his own face as he turned around and started up the walk.

Kyouya watched him go, if only for a heartbeat, before pulling the door shut. With a flick of his wrist the car was off again. He stared across the aisle to the empty seat Kaoru had just abandoned. And slowly he lay down on his back and stared at the dark ceiling. But there was no sleep to be had, no good dreams to whisk him away from reality. All he could do was sit and stare at the darkness that he knew was slowly consuming his entire being.

--

**A/N: **I know, I know. That was pretty much a whole lot of nothing. I have a lot of other things on my mind and I need to give myself some time to get back into writing before I advance the plot any more.

Thank you to all of you who believe in this story and won't diss it because I have a serious form of off-hiatus block.


	8. Weak

A/N: Guess who got off her lazy butt and decided to update this story? That's right! Me! I should be doing my homework right now but I have seven days left so…-grins-

Disclaimer: Even after all this time, I still do not own Ouran or any of its luffly characters.

-----

Kyouya set his fingers to his temples and pressed, trying to reduce the pain. Headaches were never good news, especially when he had a thesis to write. He forcefully closed his eyes before reopening them and surveying the room. In the corner he could see the twins entertaining their guests. But it was clear that things had changed. The two still held hands but they refused to make eye contact. Hikaru, possibly, had only eyes for Haruhi while Kaoru was staring directly at him.

Kyouya raised an eyebrow and instantly regretted it as the pain surged through his head once more. He turned away from Kaoru's stare and focused his attentions on the other half of the room. That day Tamaki had decided that they should put on a play, written by him of course. Tamaki was currently on his knees, dressed from head to toe in gold garments. He had chosen to play the prince role. Haruhi stood pouting at the side of the stage as a mute princess while Hunni and Mori played a servant in the castle. He and the twins were probably smart to stay out of the nonsense.

A yawn escaped him as he turned back to his paper. The previous night had been spent working on a different paper. The visit from his sister had set him back slightly and he had to make up for it. He raised a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat before bringing his fingers to the keys once more. For some time all he could hear was the click as each key smacked the bottom plastic. What seemed only moments later he heard a thunderous roar of applause as the girls in the room jumped to their feet to clap for their hosts.

Kyouya shuddered as the noise vibrated in his head. But he paid his respect to his friends and clapped quietly as each one's name was called. The girls (who weren't already standing) stood and exited the room, giggling to each other about Tamaki's hairstyle or Hunni's adorable nature. That was what they were here for. He continued to type once the doors stopping swinging open and closed. The effort was quickly aborted as a plate appeared in front of his face.

An assortment of cookies and cake lay under his nose. A dark red strawberry was practically stroking his chin. Kyouya turned his dark gaze to find Tamaki smiling brightly at him. He took the hand not holding the plate and pushed the laptop's screen down. Kyouya turned to look at closed case and simply stared. The blonde placed the plate on top of the laptop and handed him a fork.

"I thought that you might be interested in taste testing some of our new delicacies," he continued by naming each item in turn, starting with the key lime pie slice and ending with the butter cookie. "We still haven't forgotten your little trip awhile back." Kyouya wanted to scowl at Tamaki but he couldn't bring his face to wrinkle. He simply plucked a small sugar cookie from the plate and scarfed it down. He could feel it rest uneasily on his stomach and knew that it probably wouldn't stay there eyes remained fixed on the plate, feeling his mouth go dry at the sight of the deserts crawling in sugar. It made him feel sick.

"I'll be leaving for the day." Without thinking Kyouya tugged his laptop from underneath the plate and sent three slice of cake and a handful of cookies sailing to the floor. He finally managed a small scowl. "I'll send in someone to clean that up. Good night." A few mumbled good night's echoed from all corners of the room. Kyouya hardly heard at them as he turned and fled the room. He took only one glance back and found Tamaki staring at the spilled cake with a hurt face. Kyouya frowned but continued out of the room and around the corner.

He pressed his back to the wall and breathed deeply. His eyes were burning. What had set him off? That was a simple answer. All those sweets had brought back memories, one memory in particular. But why would he ever think of that? He scoffed at his thoughts. The psychiatrist had explained it many times before to him.

"_How are you handling their deaths, Kyouya?" a small old woman smiled at Kyouya with kind green eyes. Her face was set with many wrinkles and dark bags hung underneath her eyes. He had to wonder if he would look similar in the future, or possibly already did look similar. But he attempted not to focus on the flaws in her face and instead focused on the bright jade eyes._

_They were so bright and focused on the matter at hand. Once upon a time he had wished that his eyes were such a color and not the dark one that they were. He marveled at how her eyes reflected such a different message from the rest of her features. Happiness. That was what those eyes were saying to him. But everything else was out to destroy that image and all he saw when she closed her eyes was pain and old age._

_Kyouya was often fairly good at reading people. But this woman was evading his power and he wasn't sure that he liked it. Of course, at any moment he could look up any information about her that he wanted to. But it just didn't feel right to do that…not yet at least._

"_Kyouya?" the woman's voice echoed around his head and he quickly pulled his gaze away from her face and glanced at the bookcase in the room, rather embarrassed and ashamed for not being on top of things. That had been a regular occurrence._

"_Okay? It really depends on how you define the word. Do I stay up every night crying? Of course not! I have things to stay on top of. But do I lie awake in silence for hours thinking absolutely nothing?" He stopped himself, assuming the woman would know his answer._

"_I'm glad you're able to say that. Not many would be able to admit their weaknesses so soon after such a tragic event." Kyouya simply shrugged. "But there must be things running through your mind at every point during the day. Do you blame yourself Kyouya? Do you blame your father? And what are you feeling right now?"_

_Kyouya collected himself, preparing an answer before speaking, "Why should I blame myself? I had no control of that wheel and I am the youngest. Why would my elder brothers and father ever listen to me? As for my father…I blame him for many things but not this. If you really want me to put blame on someone, then I blame the man who stood at the bar and served those men drink after drink and let them walk out when all three of them were drunk." Kyouya was quiet, a sudden thought appearing in his head._

"_But how could I ever blame him? My father was a responsible man, or so we all thought. And then he sent his own flesh and blood over a bridge." Kyouya could feel emotion bubbling in his stomach and he quickly stood up. "I think I'll end our session for the day." The woman only smiled and stood up to escort him to the door. They were silent as Kyouya pulled on his coat and tugged the gold handle to pull the door open. A question sat on the tip of his tongue. He kept it in until the last possible moment._

"_One more thing…" he licked his lips, "I've had a lot of flashbacks lately…why? I can remember things that I was so young for and I never would have remembered them before…the accident."_

_The woman's smile softened, as did her eyes. "It's normal to have that happen. When something as horrible as this occurs, or rather anything that might leave a mark on you, we…we try to find happiness through our pain. And some people remember their cause of pain in a better light to forget it. It's normal to feel this. You're just looking for an answer. But Kyouya…you won't always find answers. Remember that and don't push your happiness. Maybe it is the answer."_

Easter. Kyouya could see it. He and his brothers were set up in a line. His mother clapped her hands in excitement and kissed her husband lightly on the cheek. He smiled kindly at his wife and snapped his fingers. The boys' eyes widened and each one set off. The memory went by in a blur. Kyouya was pulling an egg out of the pantry. A younger him was engaged in biting the head off a sugary chick. Kyouya's mother had her arms wrapped her son's torso and was posing for picture after picture. Those pictures…he knew where to find them but he didn't want to look at them. His mind was vivid enough.

Kyouya draw another deep breath and wiped a small trickle of sweat from his neck. It was increasingly warm in the hallway and he wanted nothing more than to get out of there and return home. He attempted to turn the corner but stopped when a small laugh reached him.

"Did you see that cute outfit Tamaki was wearing? His came was just delicious," a high pitched voice practically squealed. Kyouya knew this as one of host club's customers but couldn't draw a name.

"Oh and Haruhi's dress! I envy how skinny she is. I simply don't have the figure to fit into something like that." This was a new voice. New voices rose up as the girls all threw in their opinions. Kyouya determined that there were at least five of them.

"But what about Kyouya…" this was the first voice again. Kyouya's ears perked and he inched closer to the corner before he could think about it. "He's been acting so off lately. I know that he doesn't accept many girls to host but he hasn't taken a single girl in weeks and it's not as if he's getting any work done over on that computer." Kyouya frowned but continued listening.

"I know! It's almost as if he's haunting the Host Club. Having such a depressed guy hanging around isn't helping them at all. Maybe he should just give up the club. I'm sure the others would be fine without him."

Kyouya wasn't sure whether to be shocked or just accept the facts that he knew to be true. He turned his mind completely off from the girls' chatter and hurried towards the front doors. He rummaged in the pockets of his bag until he was able to produce a cigarette. He stared at it with pleading eyes before snapping a lighter out and letting the smoke fill his lungs. The smoky hair hit him as he suddenly breathed in warm hair. By now it was dark outside and turning cold. He took his free hand and ran it down the opposite arm, suddenly regretting not grabbing a jacket.

With brisk steps Kyouya made his way toward the car parked outside. He wondered how long the man had been waiting. The man did his usual act by jumping up and hurrying to open the door, greeting Kyouya.

"I apologize for being late," Kyouya murmured, drawing another whiff from the cigarette, "Just a few matters to settle. I'd like to be on our way now. Straight home." The driver was focused on the white stick in his hand but quickly looked away and returned to his place behind the wheel. Kyouya scooted into the car and slammed the door, tossing the cigarette on the ground behind him. He sat up for a moment but suddenly felt his headache reappear and did something unlike him.

He stretched across the seats, letting his hands rest under his head and his feet dangle over the edge. The cold from the leather stung his cheeks and sent chills down his body but he wasn't registering. A sudden thought had come to him.

"What was so different about that night?" he spoke quietly, so only he could hear himself, "My father went to that bar so often. Why was that night so different? Why did he drink so much more than he usually does? Why?" He felt his eyes sting again and quickly forced them close. Why…Kyouya fell to a restless sleep.

-----

Kyouya tugged a thick blanket over his shoulders. He could feel a slight breeze blowing over his body and clutched the blanket more tightly around him. A sudden thought struck him and he quickly sat up, being careful not to drop the blanket encircling him. He was greeted by white walls, though they seemed black by the darkness of the room. Only a small strip of sunlight shone from underneath the blinds. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand and was greeted with a bright red 12:00.

Kyouya groaned lightly but dropped back onto his pillow and reached down to tug a blanket up over himself. He was just about to reach sleep again when a voice came through the vent. Through slitted eyelids Kyouya glanced at the white metal. He realized that it was open. This was new. Familiar voices floated into his room. "I'm sorry Suoh but Master Ootori is not yet awake. He turned in late last night and was passed out in the car before even arriving home. I don't recommend disturbing him. I worry about him. He does not always take care of himself."

Tamaki's voice rose up, though it was impossible to tell what he was saying. Only moments later the maid who had answered the door spoke up again. "Thank you Suoh, Hitachiin, Fujioka. I'm sure Master Kyouya will be very happy to hear you called. Have a good day!" The sharp click of the locks informed him that his guests had departed. Footsteps echoed as the woman made her way up the stairs. She paused outside his door and pulled it open. A brunette poked her head in, a look of surprise on her face. "Good after noon Master Kyouya. Can I fetch anything for you?"

"Morn-afternoon Maaya," Kyouya yawned, feeling sleep still tugging at his eyelids. "If you don't mind, I'd love a bowl of oatmeal." He was lying of course. Food was the last thing on his mind right now. But he had clearly heard the maid say he was not taking care of himself. Well, he clearly had to prove her wrong, even if he was lying a bit in the process.

Maaya let a small smile cross her face, one slightly over the line for a maid. "Right away," she bowed in respect and backed out of the room. Kyouya waited until she left to let his head drop back onto the pillows. For some reason, the taste of sugar still settled in his mouth. He remembered the small cookie he had consumed last night and suddenly regretted it. He tossed the blanket off of him and hurried to the bathroom. A disgusting taste filled his mouth as he felt stomach bile mix with water and sugar. He guessed that it was only his mind creating the sugary product in his mouth. There was no way that he wouldn't have digested that cookie already.

After the job was done he wiped his mouth and then his face with two individual washcloths. He saw the whites of his eyes glazed with red and scoffed at his own reflection. Kyouya finally tore his eyes away from the mirror and returned to his bed. The cold shocked him but eventually the blankets warmed him and let hi s eyes close, though there was no chance for sleep at that moment.

He mulled over the previous day's events and pulled the blankets tighter around him. Kyouya knew what this was. And it scared him. He was weak. How could he not handle this? He drew his knees to his chest and sucked in a deep breath, suddenly desperate for air. The burning reached his eyes once more. Kyouya reached his hand up only to find a single tear on his cheek. Weakness.

He let one more thought carry him to sleep. The stages of grief: denial…anger…bargaining…depression…acceptance. Denial was something he looked to everyday in life. That was nothing new. Anger was there. Bargaining, pleading for something else, anything other than this. Depression was his weakness. Weakness meant he had failed. And acceptance? How could he accept anything with no answers? And what if there were no answers to be found? What would he do then?

Kyouya let his head fall back and pulled the blankets up once more before falling back into his sleep. The maid came in to deliver his oatmeal and looked sadly at his sleeping figure. She laid the tray down before stepping out of the room and letting tears of her own run down her cheeks. But Kyouya was too deep in sleep to register her sobs; to realize that he wasn't alone in his pain.

-----

A/N: Okay…I finally got back to writing and I don't think I got a lot of useful information written. XD Whoopsie. I hope that some of you liked it and I hoped to get back into rewriting chapters for as many of my stories as possible.

Now I sort of wrote this chapter because I just finished this really good book (a psychological thriller) about a girl who is buried alive. It really made me open my eyes but it also made me think about attitudes and mind set and I sort of wanted to include that in this chapter. Hope it's okay. :D


	9. Back

**A/N: **Guess who got off her lazy bum to write this? That's right. Me. I've just been really depressed for awhile and anyone who knows me understands that I can't write anything when I'm down (which made it a killer to write essays for class). But I am back and have chapters for all the stories I need to update, as well as some new stories. Ah! Yay! I am sooo excited! No promises that chapters will come every week though. I hope to do a lot of writing when I get to Chicago. Well anyways, let's just get this thing started.

-----

Kyouya was out front smoking again. His father had done it, his elder brother had done it, he would follow suit. While the youngest had refrained he had clearly proved his position as a rightly alcoholic. Though they were all fit to take over the family businesses, the issues couldn't have been too bad. Anyway, they drank and smoke for the same reason that Kyouya did, to mask the pain. He had not taken a drink in his life, or at least not willingly. His brothers had forced some into his mouth when they were younger. Kyouya wasn't interested in thinking about such memories. He let the cigarette burn down until he could feel the burn on his fingers. He flicked it away, staring over the foggy school grounds.

He gotten up early after going to bed so early. He had arrived at the school practically an hour early and had taken the chance to fix up a few math problems that Tamaki had recorded wrong during one of his absences. The thought of smoking had not jumped to mind until now, when he had found the sinful boxes poking out of his jacket. Smoking was strictly forbidden on the grounds, or at least that was what the rule book tried to tell them. The officials couldn't give a damn about their students as long they brought a positive image to the school and got good grades, possibly the only reason Haruhi had gotten in. Kyouya shrugged the thought off, replacing the bag on his shoulder before stepping inside the schools. A few yellow dresses had just swished through the door and Kyouya opted to follow them and get out of the cold.

He stared straight ahead, walking a few feet behinds the girls and hardly paying attention to who they were. Until he heard his name. Kyouya halted, squinting ahead until he could see the girls' hair in the dark. Yes, these were the same girls from the Host Club. They were, once again, discussing how he was not good for the Host Club and was only pulling it down. Kyouya coughed quietly into his fist. The girls whipped around to face him, eyes wide. "Good morning, hope to see all of you after school today. We're having a special theme." There was false warmth in his voice, as if he wasn't bitter that they had just been criticizing him.

The girls all seemed to forget it to as suddenly they were crowding around him, begging for the surprise theme. They all stared up at him with big, dreamy eyes. He resisted raising an eyebrow and simply moved around the girls, smirking casually. His head ached a little less than it had the day before (thanks to various types of medicines, in all forms) and he couldn't resist but offer his infamous smirk. "Now ladies, if I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise. And you wouldn't want to disappoint the Hosts, would you?" He saw their eyes flash as they each giggled, and raced away screaming about all of the Hosts. His face fell and he raised a hand to his head. Such an act, but at least it had worked. He couldn't be the one to bring the Host Club down.

Tamaki was running late that day. He was not their till the late afternoon. He had a sad smile on his face when he entered the room, apologizing profusely for taking a seat next to Kyouya. The darker haired boy didn't look at him, scared that he would find that same sad look on his face. He already had to live through it, without Tamaki pushing it on him as well. But Tamaki clearly wasn't happy at being ignored. He was slipping notes onto Kyouya's desk, one by one. Most must have come from his math work as they numbers and equations scribbled all over the back. Kyouya ignored them; writing in his notebook whatever had been placed on the board. The notes piled up on his desk until they were overflowing onto his work, distracting him. He grabbed one finally and flipped it open, bring a sharp gasp from Tamaki. He was clearly pleased.

_It was my mom. She wants me to visit._

Kyouya read the note a few times through. He brushed his thumb over the paper until the crease had practically disappeared. Finally, he just pushed all the notes into his bag and stood up, calmly walking to the front and speaking with the teacher, saying he had a business meeting. As stated earlier, all the school wanted is for the students to make it look good. A major business head did just that. The teacher nodded and motioned to the door. Kyouya stepped out, never looking at Tamaki.

The feeling was so overwhelming. Kyouya wasn't sure how long he would have survived in that class room. Not with that note on his mind. Not with the fact that Tamaki had two parents left, even if they tended not to get along. He still had a mother to cry to and a father to build him up. He was at this school after all. And here Kyouya was, possibly the most powerful teen in the entire world, without a family. Without love. He walked swiftly through the hallways, past the lunch room with the second years, where three pairs of eyes followed him. He walked until the music room came into sight and settled at the table he was usually at. The next few hours were spent making calls. Kyouya had to get the business started again sometime.

When Haruhi, Hikaru, and Kaoru made their way into the room, Kyouya was still on the phone. He waved a weak hand towards them, pressing the numbers of his mouth into the receiver. The speaker on the other end was not being easy on him and, in complete truth, it was pissing him off. The conversation went back and forth for a few moments more, neither reaching a satisfying conclusion but reaching one nonetheless. The numbers were too high for Kyouya and too low for the other speaker but it would do for the time being. Kyouya bitterly thanked the man, received no response, and hung up. The Host club was on him.

"Mother, you had us worried sick? You do not just walk out like that without an explanation." Tamaki. Kyouya's breath caught in his throat as he finally looked up to see the boy's face. There was hurt in his eyes. He could see the note reflected in his eyes and forced himself away, onto the next face. It was Hikaru, who stood eerily close to Haruhi. He got sight of both their faces. They were babbling something too. Kyouya left his blank and gave a static answer, glancing at a silent Kaoru before settling back into his workplace and typing away at his computer. Mori and Hunni had not arrived yet. It wasn't as if they were actually involved. They were graduated and already starting their lives. Making room for the Host club was difficult still. Kyouya waited, and dreaded, when they would hand in their resignation.

He cleared his throat, sitting quietly as the rest of the Host members glared at him and eventually moved back to their selected chairs and couches. They could hear the rustle of skirts just outside the door, indicating all the girls waiting impatiently outside. The Hosts were practically through pouring their tea when the doors burst open. Tamaki threw up an excited cry. Kyouya gave a quick glance at the door. Hunni and Mori were moving swiftly through the now open doorway. Most of the girls were ogling at Hunni's childlike face. Kyouya yawned and turned back to the computer. He was not going to cry. The sunlight streaming in through the windows was blinding.

As he tried to convince himself of this fact, Kyouya was suddenly drawn out of his thoughts by a pair of two girls. One was dressed in the standard school uniform, yellow dress, white ribbons everywhere. The other was in a dress as well, the same color as the uniforms but inching up above her knees and with no puffy sleeves. This had had clearly been altered to fit the girl's taste. Kyouya raised an eyebrow at the pair while they stood above him with wide, worried eyes. There was a hint of a smile on both girls' faces.

"Kyouya…will you be hosting today?" Kyouya was surprised. After all, one of these girls could very likely be the gossips in the hallway. He formulated a response, trying to come up with the perfect sentence to deliver. He had to keep business going of course. It was the only thing he could focus his mind on. "We're very sorry for your lost." Kyouya froze.

He glanced up at the girls, his eyes now wide, though hardly noticeable. He cautiously glanced over their shoulders to see Tamaki jumping about, mouthing apologetic words to him. His customers looked thoroughly insulted to see him ignoring them and jumping around like an animal. Kyouya frowned and waved a hand towards them, attracting strange looks from the girls in front of him. Tamaki sat back down with a frown and the girls pounced, having already forgotten that he had ignored them for a few seconds. Kyouya nodded his head and shut his laptop, standing up. "Thank you for your condolences. But I can't stay to host today. I have a meeting in an hour that I need to prepare for. Good day, maybe some time in the future." He apologized with a kiss to each of their hands and quickly bowed out, catching snippets from the girls as he left.

"He must be so important! And the money he makes and the businesses he runs!"

"That's the kind of husband my mother wants me to have."

"Well you can get someone else. Kyouya is mine! And so is his big house and diamonds and…"

Kyouya scowled, closing the door before letting the girl finish her sentence. From tears to anger. Kyouya was tired of it. Emotions were useless. They wouldn't bring back any one of those idiots, they wouldn't get to all those meeting nor make so many calls, and they certainly wouldn't help him out in the real world. Sleep, eat, school, work, eat, and sleep. The pattern could continue everyday and no emotions would be brought into the deal. He clenched his teeth and plucked out his cell phone, dialing his driver but saying nothing. The man would get the clue. Kyouya considered smoking while he was out here. But a harsh wind was currently blowing and it would make the experience thoroughly unpleasant. Best to save the cancer sticks for later.

The driver pulled up, opening the door for Kyouya to step in. Kyouya waited, providing no word in response. He waited until the door was being pulled the wrong way on its hinges before stepping in and taking a seat closest to the door. He signaled that he would be returning home and would need the car later. The chauffeur nodded and obediently pulled from the school and drove home. The Host club wouldn't mind another day of Kyouya skipping. They would do fine if he never showed up really. He just handled the finances and brought the customers' moods down. He would discuss removing himself from the action the next day, or whenever he was able to return school. Maybe he would accept the invitation to America after all. A large company was interested in talking about an expansion of the Ootori hospitals. Kyouya had been against the offer at first and now, as a snap decision, he was eager to leave. America, one of the only countries Kyouya had not stepped foot in yet. It would be interesting to embark alone.

-----

"We have arrived at the gate." It had been a long, cruel week. It had seemed like it would be okay at first. His teachers had been pleased that Kyouya was getting his head into business and immediately gave him the days off. He had used some select words with the Host Club to convince them. All that was left to do was the packing. He and the American contractor had decided on Kyouya's visit being two weeks, plus an extra Saturday. Kyouya hadn't refused. His father had never backed out of a business deal because he didn't have the time.

The only troubling ordeal was the fact that Kaoru showed up on his doorstep the day after he had informed the hosts. The boy wasn't crying right then but he probably was, considering the dark red spots under his eyes. Of course, those were nothing compared to when Kyouya looked at his face and saw the blood surging from his lip and dark spots across his cheek. Kyouya's brow furrowed as he stared at the boy, letting the wind blow across his face. His bottom lip dropped, though only creating a small space between it and the other. And before he knew it, Kyouya had snapped his fingers over his shoulder. The nurses were on Kaoru. Kyouya stepped away, arms over his chest and head down.

The nurses and doctor did most of the question asking for him. Yes, he had been in a fight. No, he couldn't tell them the name of his attacker. No, the other guy had swung first. No, he would not make a police statement. Hell yes, give me those drugs. Kyouya got a word in just before ten o'clock approached. The nurses were chattering amongst themselves and the doctor had returned to the hospital, which he had so graciously left to check over Kaoru. The nurses would leave soon but he doubted they would overhear his conversation anyway.

"Kaoru, that was…unexpected. Are you alright?" Kyouya just saw the cringe that went through Kaoru's body as he asked. He had a large purple bruise spreading across his face and he had just revealed a man's ultimate weakness to Kyouya. Everything inside Kaoru had to be broken. "Excuse me." Kyouya coughed quietly, redirecting the subject. His mind was at a blank for a moment. He stared at the mass of nurses, blinking rapidly. Finally he turned on Kaoru, speaking so softly that his lips barely moved. "It was Hikaru."

"No Kyouya, don't-"

"It was. Why?"

Kaoru made a strangled, helpless noise in the back of his throat. Kyouya looked on with a blank face, waiting for an answer. Kaoru was looking around the room, his gaze darting from one thing to another, though never seeming to get close to Kyouya's face. He took a seat in the closest leather chair, tapping the armrest lightly. His mind was a mix of thoughts, though his face revealed nothing.

Not even twenty-four hours ago Kyouya had announced this trip to the Host Club. And with minimal time left to pack, he was now faced with the problem of Kaoru. And while he was worried for the young man before him, he simply couldn't cancel this trip without risking losing some of his company. No, he would have to sort this matter out and get on the plane two days from now. Kyouya leaned back in the chair, trying not to think about that the twins used to share. "Kaoru…if you'd rather not tell then I can't do much. Feel no need but I must remind you about my trip that I must be preparing for." He hardly noted the iciness in his voice, but fell his bottom lip twitch when Kaoru shuddered once more.

"I'm sorry Kyouya. Tamaki is training with Hunni and Mori and I couldn't run to Haruhi."He trailed off, his voice too low for Kyouya to hear. He motioned to a maid in the corner and whispered something into her ear. She appeared with a glass of coffee for the twin and cautiously passed over. The boy didn't look up before accepting it. It met his lips moments after her fingers slipped away. He continued quietly. "It's not Hikaru's fault. He's sick, to the point of hallucinating. The doctor confirmed that he most likely has pneumonia. He keeps yelling…I can't even see him. But he snuck out and I caught him. He and Haruhi were arguing and I...got in the middle and he hit me…he meant it for her. I don't know what my brother is. We're so similar…am I really going to be like him?"

"Your brother wasn't in his right mind."

"Seems to be every ones' problem lately."

Kyouya ignored the remark and continued in his matter of fact tone. He was becoming more irritated by the second. Yes, this was Kaoru. But did he have the time? No, he did not. "I'm sure he'll apologize tomorrow."

"And that's supposed to be enough for me?" Kaoru was now looking up at Kyouya, his bruise glaring on his face. He seemed shocked, and slightly disgusted. It was difficult to keep his blank face as he stared at those eyes, still fresh with tears, but Kyouya managed it. "That'd be enough for you? If one of your brothers or your dad just came to you one day and was like, sorry for dying, I do love you, sorry for leaving you, sorry for making you so depressed that you can't even understand what you're supposed to feel. We can all see it Kyouya. You're breaking down; you're not hiding it as well as you think you are."

"Go home." Kyouya stood up, pointing a strict digit towards the door. "Maaya! Escort him to the door please. See you in two weeks." He stalked away from the boy, entering his own room and resting on the bed, hand placed protectively over his laptop. He listened to the door shut and watched from the window as the headlights of Kaoru's car disappeared. And finally he broke down.

Tears streamed down his face. He was quick to bury his head in his pillow to muffle the watery sobs. He had never felt this before, never experienced this mind crushing grief, not even when he had lost the other four members of his family. And now, he could imagine nothing hurting more than the pain of Kaoru's words. Because, in all honesty, Kyouya could never imagine them coming back and saying any of it. And knowing and acknowledging that they never cared, was the last straw. He was broken.

Kyouya spent most of the night crying into his pillow, switching out as one became too soaked and began to rub his face raw. No matter what he did, what he thought of, the tears wouldn't be halted. Hours after Kaoru's departure, Kyouya finally managed to slip into a restless sleep. The laptop had slid to the floor sometime over the night and now his hands were constantly searching, trying to find the hunk of plastic to clutch to his chest. He tossed all night, throwing himself around the bed, stray tears still leaking from his eyes. He had the constant reminder that he would leave for America late the next evening. The thought unnerved him as, in his sleep, he recalled the things he had to do in preparation for his trip. At five in the morning, after only two hours of sleep, Kyouya was up again and packing.

His eyes remained half-lidded and his hands moved slow as he reached into drawers, pulling out neatly folded shirts and pants and stowing them into the large two suitcases sitting near his desk. One was filled to the capacity, folders and papers poking out from the sides. Below these items were various cords, electronics, and a delicately wrapped box containing a gift for the elder business man. The maids had delivered it to him the day after scheduling the trip. He wasn't completely sure what lay within, only knowing that it was some type of glassware. It seemed appropriate, especially for the man's wife, supposedly an avid collector of china and glass items. The maids wouldn't do him wrong and he hadn't thought about it since.

Kyouya had quickly closed that suitcase, and began piling items into the second that had been mostly empty before then. He managed to pack the already folded clothes in nicely. Appearances were everything after all, and remained important even after hours of crying and limited sleep. Upon stowing his laptop in the now full suitcase and slipping in a few other essentials, Kyouya closed the suitcase and moved back towards the bed. He would take a day off from school tomorrow to finish packing and get sleep. The maids would not wake him up if the alarm didn't go off. He had, hopefully, been careful enough to not let them hear him but he couldn't be sure. Kyouya yawned, letting his eyes open and close a few times before slipping away, into a sleep. There was no tossing or turning like the two hours before. Kyouya remained in one position, hands tucked beneath his head under the pillow, legs stretched out and overlapping each other, facing the wall that his bed was pressed up against too. There he remained, sleeping through the start of school, through the afternoon, and into the beginning hours of the evening.

There were no more disturbances through the next few days, minus a few worried phone calls from Tamaki. Kyouya finally talked him into leaving him alone and got onto the plane with no thoughts in his head. America was an awful place. The businessman had a huge house located on a street that was filled with beggars, homeless individuals, and dirt. Kyouya had been to underprivileged communities but never one like this. And this man was broadcasting his wealth in this matter. It was even disgusting for him. Business talk went smoothly for the first two days. As Kyouya was walking down the street, intent on picking up an American soft drink he had been introduced to, a man had come up to him begging for money. Kyouya had refused the man money, simply remembering the other man's words that he should never give anyone on the street money. A knife was brought into the fray and Kyouya walked away sporting a black eye, missing his wallet, and his lunch, that of which he had relived himself of in a filthy alley nearby. He staggered back to the man's home. Concern was thrown at him at first but eventually Kyouya became irritated and starting ranting about the man's methods with people on the street. His eyes were both black as he ran from the house, taking with him nothing more than his precious laptop and wallet. His phone was already buried in his pocket.

With its help, Kyouya had located his sister and went immediately to see her. She was shocked at his sudden arrival and shrieked when she saw his condition: pale, both eyes dark as night, and blood streaming out his nose. Kyouya couldn't remember which one of the two had done that to him. Fuyumi ushered him in, hiding him from her children, and quickly managed to clean up. As she wiped the blood from his face he begged her not to call anyone, not Tamaki, not the police, not a doctor, not anyone. It had taken some pleading but she had eventually given up. Kyouya had said nothing more. He dined with his sister and her two young children that night, not managing to stomach anything. Fuyumi covered up his wretching with music for the children and hurried to his side.

"Kyouya you're sick! You have to let me call someone!" Fuyumi brushed his hair off his face as he lay hunched over the toilet.

"No!" he gasped his voice scratchy. It was the first word he had spoken in hours. His eyes were burning, involuntary tears pouring down his cheeks. There was still blood mixed into his dark locks and his face was snow white. There was something seriously wrong but he would rather give up his life than give up his dignity.

"Then you need to sleep. I'm calling someone tomorrow whether you like it or not." She slipped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him to his feet. He stumbled, clipping his hip on the counter. He grunted in pain and let his weight fall onto Fuyumi. He had never felt as vulnerable as he did now.

They moved silently towards the bedroom Fuyumi. Upon seeing various bottles of perfume and pictures of the two children now asleep in the living room, he guessed that it was her own. He couldn't find the strength to object and simple collapsed on the mattress. She wrapped the blankets, not wanting to pull the ones from beneath in fear of disturbing him. He turned away from her. Fuyumi stood there for a moment before moving towards the door.

"What happened to me?" It was Kyouya speaking. Fuyumi turned around, shocked that he was still awake. "I was handling this so well. And now…I'm so lost. I don't know what to do anymore, Fuyumi. Help me." Fuyumi laid next to her youngest brother as he cried. He cried himself to sleep eventually, though Fuyumi waited an hour before leaving. She finally got up to usher her own children to bed and lay down herself on the couch. She heard Kyouya wake up and start sobbing again and sat quietly wondering if she should get up. He was quiet before she could and she slipped into sleep again.

-----

The next week and five days had been rough. Kyouya was in pain, emotionally and physically most of the time. He rarely ate and was getting thinner by the day. It was only because of Fuyumi that he ate anything at all. She often fed him when the children were at school or at their friends. She knew how much her brother cared about his appearance and would help to preserve as best as she could. Four days after he had stumbled through her door in such a terrible condition, he finally came to the breakfast table. He chewed quietly on his eggs, managing to get some down. The kids brought him into some conversations though he only managed to add in simple replies. Eventually they were off to school and Kyouya and his sister were left alone in the kitchen.

"I want to call Tamaki…" Kyouya spoke quietly. Fuyumi turned to him with a smile on her face.

"That's great. We can ring him up right now. Maybe we can fly him up to see you. Or maybe-"

"…but I'm not going to."

"Oh…why not?"

"He's in France…with his mother. He has hasn't seen her in so long. I can't just call him and take that happiness away."

"Call him before you go home okay?"

"Yeah…we'll see."

"Go on and take a bath or a shower. We have to get you feeling better."

"I don't think that's the problem." His protest was quiet. Fuyumi stared curiously at him, expecting an explanation. But the dark-haired youth simply stood up and moved out of the kitchen. Fuyumi watched him turn down the hall and listened to what she assumed was the bathroom door closing. She sighed and returned to cleaning the dishes.

-----

Kyouya barely made it into the bathroom before he was throwing the eggs back up. He knew that he should probably go see a doctor but he couldn't risk ruining his reputation, which his two black eyes could destroy in a heartbeat. He turned on the water of the shower as he wretched, attempting to cover the noise. He sat quietly, waiting to hear his sister pounding at the door. When the noise didn't come he peeled off his clothing and began a sorely needed shower. He let the scalding water pound against his scalp until it gave him a headache. He would have no reason to think. But his thoughts came in masses anyway.

It wasn't that he was sick, as in ill. No, he was simply sporting two black eyes and some cuts above and on his torso. But every time he paused to do something that homeless man's face would come to mind. He had the knife pressed his against his throat. And then the face would turn to his father's. The figure would press harder against his throat and…Kyouya always came out of the daydream then and found that he could never hold anything down after experiencing this.

His shower progressed, only amplifying the pain in his head. By the time his shower was done, all Kyouya wanted to do was crawl back into bed. The week progressed like this. Kyouya would eat (usually throwing up the entire meal), shower, and then sleep. The cuts scabbed over and the blackness faded from his face. His eyes were still puffy and dark when he stepped out of Fuyumi's house the night his plane would take off. He had no luggage. It was still at the other man's house. Fuyumi tried to encourage him to take some things but he refused, only accepting her offer of a cab ride.

Kyouya was lucky that he hadn't chosen to fly on his own personal jet, opposed to a public plane. He had no luggage and hence would have no ticket to turn over. The pilot did not question him, though he did a double take at his face. Kyouya cringed and continued walking. The crew instantly bubbled around him trying to run washcloths across his face or press blankets to his shoulders. He accepted a single blanket and moved past the members of the crew to stretch out on the couch. He was out within seconds, comforted by the soft leather opposed to the scratchiness of his sister's quilt.

He was awoken a few times throughout the flight by the crew offering him food or laying more blankets over him. He refused the food and pulled the blankets tighter around him. The pilot came over the intercom every once in a while to make announcements. Kyouya would wake up and roll over with a groan. After he had done this three times, the voice disappeared and did not come back. His dreams passed slowly, a mix of things. He managed to redirect most of his sleeping thoughts to Fuyumi. She was so thoughtful and her children were beautiful. He wished he could've spent happier times with them.

They touched down late to refuel and restock. They were not home yet and Kyouya felt no need to wake up. When they finally did reach their destination the landing was smooth. So smooth that a crew member had to wake Kyouya from his sleep. The man held his breath as he waited, afraid of wakening Kyouya's wrath. But upon opening his eyes Kyouya simply nodded and stood up, stretching. Blood rushed to his head and he was forced to sit down, in fear of collapsing. The plane finally came to a stop and Kyouya got off…only to find a teary-eyed Tamaki waiting for him.

Kyouya hesitated for a moment, staring at the blonde youth. These tears weren't his usual delusional tears. That was his usual 'hurt' face. No, these tears were painful. His face was of horror as he looked on at Kyouya…his friend. It struck him so suddenly that Kyouya could've dissolved into tears right then. But his appearance was important. So he moved, slowly and deliberately towards Tamaki. Their expressions were now matching. Blank. Upon reaching him they both hesitated. Tamaki cringed at a shout for someone else across the way. Kyouya stayed unblinkingly. Finally, Tamaki spoke.

"Welcome back." And Kyouya was tackled in a hug. And before he could help himself tears were pouring from his bruised eyes as he hugged his friend back.

"Thank you…it's good to be…back."

-----

**A/N: Okay, not too good. Sorry. XP I think I should just end it there. I sort of feel like all my stories are stuck and won't go anywhere. I don't know…**


End file.
